tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
