dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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