he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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