there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
