Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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