College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
