watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
