somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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