i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
