Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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