how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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