a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
