maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
