I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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