Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
