dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
