Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
from now on my penis is your penis
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
