You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
