I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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