It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize