kristin has been a bad kristin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
