we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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