So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
