I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
