Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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