guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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