I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
