hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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