As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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