i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When are your genitals available?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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