That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
