rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
