Umm I'm too high to move.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
