just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
