just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
