he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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