8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
