So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
