My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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