At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
