All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
