If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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