I cockslap morals
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
