grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
