Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
