booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
