Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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