We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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