Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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