glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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