why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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