I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
