Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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