how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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