How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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