Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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