i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
