I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
