i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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