I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
