So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
