I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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