Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
