well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
