there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
