I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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