I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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