i jhust puked up my retainher.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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