don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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